30 MINUTES AFTER DINNER by GILLYLEE RATED FRPT

This story was written in response to the 2006 Tracy Island Writers Forum's Silly Fic Title challenge.

Panting and breathless, Jeff bent double and put his hands on his knees.

"Must do something about my condition," he muttered. "Too much desk-work, not enough workouts."

Tilting his head, he stared up the stairwell. It looked as if two more flights would bring him to the top of the stairs, but it had looked that like that for at least twenty flights already. And it was important that he reached the top and Penny. Although it was slightly discomforting that he couldn't remember why it was so important he got there.

"Must do something about my memory," he muttered again. "Can you do something about your memory? Must be able to. Maybe I'll ask the doc...he'll think of something. I'm too young to, um, whatever it was."

It surprised him that the stairs were in such bad repair. He continued slowly, pressing close to the wall as he climbed. He found it odd that an increasing number of people were passing him in both directions and they didn't seem to notice how decayed the stairs were. Taking a deep breath, Jeff struggled on, finally reaching the top and Penny, who was unexpectly dressed in a revealing pink negligee.

"Where's the loofah, Jeff?" asked Penny.

"What loofah?" asked Jeff.

"The certified organically grown one, of course," said Penny. "You promised me a loofah from Paraguay."

"Did I?" said Jeff. "Are you sure?"

Penny opened her mouth and began to wail.

Jeff pulled his pillow over his head to shut out the noise and started to wonder why he had brought a pillow with him at all. Then he realized he was lying in his bed on Tracy Island. Although he still could hear her wailing. But it wasn't Penny wailing, it was the alarm.

Jeff lost precious seconds trying to force his left foot in his right slipper and fighting with his dressing gown before it surrendered its sleeves. Stumbling, he rushed to the lounge, where an irritatingly awake Scott stood before the painting of Penny. The live image, however, showed a nervous Parker.

"Poopie. H'it's 'er ladyship's poopie," said Parker. "H'it went down the drain h'and h'it didn't come back. H'and now she's h'upset."

"Yes, well, that's all very well, but it isn't something for International Rescue, is it?" said Scott, a look of disgust on his face. "It's daytime for you, so why don't you get a plumber? Although I always thought drains weren't supposed to, you know, bring things back."

"A plumber?" said Virgil, feeling his way into the lounge with his eyes closed.

Scott turned to his father. "Something the matter with Penny's drains," he said.

"No, that's nothing for us," said Jeff, "You can use another bathroom, Parker."

"H'another bathroom?" said Parker. "Why would h'I take h'a bath h'in the middle h'of the day?"

Over Parker's shoulder they could see a distraught Penny. She got up, rushed toward the screen and pushed Parker out of the way.

"My baby," wailed Penny. "Don't you just stand there, do something, Jeff! My P'u Pi is suffocating. And you stand there talking about plumbers and bathrooms, you... you... stupid coffee drinking Yank!"

"H'i told you she was h'upset, Mr. Tracy," said Parker, reappearing. "Her Poopie went down the drain."

Jeff and Scott exchanged glances. Jeff sighed. "Calm down, Penny. Now tell me slowly what the problem is."

"My bloody dog!" Penny screamed, complete forgetting all her upper-class manners. "My bloody dog was out in the bloody orangery, hunting down a bloody rabbit or whatever it bloody was and disappeared down the bloody drain and now she's bloody suffocating!"

"The rabbit?" asked Virgil, still half asleep. "That's a lot of blood," he added when Penny's language shocked him temporarily into a more awake state.

"My dog!" cried Penny.

Jeff scratched his jaw. "Well..."

"Dad, there has to be someone closer than us who can get a dog out of a drain," said Scott.

"Well, we are a rescue organization, son," said Jeff.

"Dad!"

"I'm going back to bed. Let me know when you make up your minds." Virgil yawned and began to feel his way out of the lounge.

"Hold on, son," said Jeff. "It's Penny and she has a problem. Now, it may not be your average rescue, but we have to help her. Scott, launch Thunderbird One."

"Yes, sir," said Scott sighing.

"Virgil, Thunderbird Two."

"What's the plan, Dad?"

Jeff rubbed with a hand over his jaw. "We never had to rescue a dog before, so how should I know what you need? The Mole? The Excavator? Thunderbird 4? Take 'em all, Virgil!"

Arriving at Lady Penelope's estate, Virgil found Parker kneeling down in front of a drainpipe. He was waving a milk bone and his voice echoed ghostlike back to them. "Poopie! Oh, pooooopie!" In the background he saw Penny pacing up and down.

Next to Parker stood Scott with his arms crossed over his chest.

"There you are, Virg," he said. "Let's get this over with. Take the Mole and..."

"Not through the laddie 'iltons," said Parker standing up.

"The what?" asked Scott.

"The laddie 'iltons. You're not going to h'uproot the laddies," said Parker pointing at a border of light yellow roses. "Not for that bloody rat."

Scott scratched his chin while looking at the plants and read the sign that gave the rose's name as 'Lady Hillingdon'. He grinned over Parker's pronunciation and asked his brother, "We got a shovel in the pod?"

"Yeah," said Virgil. "Got two, even."

Scott sighed, "OK. Get them and let's start digging." He turned around and smiled down at Penny whose pacing through the orangery had brought her to where the others stood. "Why don't you let Parker escort you to the house and give you a cup of tea."

"Yes, yes," said Penny with a shivering sigh. "That will do me good." She followed Parker inside.

"Darjeeling, m'lady?" asked Parker.

"First flush Darjeeling in the morning? Certainly not, Parker," she said.

Scott looked at his brother and raised an eyebrow.

"Sounds like her Ladyship has recovered from her ordeal," said Virgil.

The loose soil made it easy for Scott and Virgil to uncover the drainpipe.

"How do we get inside, Scott?" asked Virgil. "I mean, if that dog doesn't come out by itself."

Scott thought for a moment. "Sledgehammer, we'll smash an opening into that drain," he decided. "Get it from the pod, Virg and make it snappy."

Muttering in himself Virgil went to get the hammer. "Make it snappy, make it snappy! It's always the same with him." After grabbing it from the tool cupboard he ran back to the orangery where Scott had removed the last of the soil. Virgil jumped into the gap and hefted the heavy tool. There was a loud crash.

There was a loud crash. And Jeff stared at the after dinner cup of coffee that had fallen out of his hands. He blinked his eyes rapidly. 'I did wake up before, didn't I,' he thought. 'Or did I? I was on those stairs and then I woke up and then the boys went to Penny and...' He frowned.

"I shouldn't have eaten that second helping of cod fillets," Jeff said out loud. "That horseradish sauce gave me nightmares!"