FROM LUCILLE by TB's LMC RATED FRC

Lucille Tracy died far too young and far too soon. She has never left her family, but knows the time has come to take her place among the souls. Kyrano shares with you her final words to those she loves.

Something has changed within him. I think he knows. He may not understand the feelings...he may not even recognize them as feelings...he just knows she is gone.

She has been here for a long, long time. I did not know Jefferson Tracy when his wife Lucille was among the living, but from the moment I stepped foot into this house, I sensed her constant presence and knew right away it was the soul of one who was no longer on this plane.

It did not take me long to recognize how the air felt when she was near. She always felt warm and soft...loving. It helped me to understand why he loved her so. Even as a soul, even without the face and eyes that so adorned her in this life, she felt beautiful. And I could feel in each of her sons a part of what I felt from her.

I could not comprehend, however, why she remained with them for so long. I knew her love for them was great. So great that it transcended the boundary of living and dead, so great that her soul could not move on to the plane where souls reside. Instead she remained in the place between this life and the land of souls.

It is only recently that I have felt her change. The spirit of Lucille for so long wanted nothing more than to be mother to her sons, wife to her husband, mistress of their home. But it became clear to me that she began to think of things differently.

And then, one night, she spoke to me. I was meditating within my rooms. I felt a disturbance in the energy of the universe. I knew something was going to change. I did not know what, but I meditated to prepare for revelation. And she appeared. She was, as most would surmise, more than beautiful. Her hair was the same color as Virgil's. And it is without question that Virgil was given the gift of her eyes. Her skin was dark, darker slightly than Virgil's, and her cheekbones high.

She was dressed in almost sheer white flowing robes as she appeared before me. She said, “Hello, Kyrano.” I was mildly surprised and wondered why the Tracy sons' mother would appear to me. “I need to tell you, Kyrano, because I cannot tell them. Will you help me?”

I could do nothing but nod. Her presence overwhelmed even me. I could only stare at her face as her eyes became distant, thinking of a past she had lived and a past she had not lived, yet had been present for. In a way, when she began to speak, it felt like a goodbye letter to those she loved.

And here is what Lucille Tracy said:

She lingered. She's been with them since the moment her soul left her body. And she finally realized that that's why Jeff hasn't been able to move on: because her presence would not allow him to. She was still too real, too tangible, because she was there. She thought she was doing the right thing, watching over her family, over her Jeff. But she understands now that she shouldn't have stayed for so long. She is preparing to ascend.

When she spoke directly to her family, she spoke first to Scott.

I knew I was going to die.

It's not your fault, Scotty, baby. Listen to me. Calling you baby. You're a grown man now, not a child. I always knew you were special. From the first moment I saw those eyes, those deep, wise eyes. I knew from the minute you were born you'd be the most amazing man I would ever have the privilege of knowing.

Turns out thirty-four years later I was right.

I know what you went through after I died. I was with you every step of the way. I was with all of you. I tried to comfort you. Did you feel me? Could you hear me? I was there.

Do you remember what I used to call you? My Little Flyer. As a boy you loved to hear stories of your Daddy flying high among the clouds, on to the stars. You wanted to be just like him. Confident. In control. A leader. A pilot. Strong. Proud. Capable. Loving.

Well, you know what? You are just like him. I see in you so much of your father when he was your age. So much. I also see the way you try to hold it inside. The way...your dad did when I left all of you. My family. My boys. My men. Strapping, handsome, amazing, heroic men.

Virgil. Can you ever forgive me for not showing you how to perfect the stroke of your brush before leaving you so abruptly? Leaving you to bear the brunt of care for the brother who would care for you all? I know he would not have made it this far without you. You are his strength and his rock, and you always will be.

You remember more of me than you let on. Whenever they ask what you remember, you say nothing. “I don't remember anything.” But you do. It is just too painful, and I understand. But perhaps if Scott understood that you shared some of his memories, that you shared his pain of the moment, it would ease his burden, the burden he has carried these many years.

I have tried, my darling little honey-eyed baby boy. Again, I resort to calling you babies, as though you are not grown men, but the small children I left behind, left alone. Yet not alone. You had each other. You and Scott were each other's saving graces, and for your brothers, the two of you became the beacon that has guided them to this place, to the place they now dwell as men, when all I can remember is that they were my baby boys.

John. I don't know what else to say except that I am proud of who you are now. You overcame great adversity. You overcame so very much as a child, you perservered and grew into an intelligent, amazing man. You look startlingly like your grandfather. I know sometimes when Alan and Gordon are together and when Scott and Virgil are together that you feel a bit left out, John.

I have walked with you every step of the way. Every moment I have been here...for your books, your discoveries, your times on Thunderbird 5 so high above the Earth. You are the voice of reason and of truth and yes, of sarcasm. You inherited my father's sense of humor, John, and you never fail to make me laugh. I wish I could have been there in person to laugh with you, but since I could not, I am happy that you make your father and brothers laugh and that you are the man that you are.

And my water baby, Gordon. From the time you were born you loved the bath. First it was in the kitchen sink. You would splash and play and by the time we were finished, I was as soaked as you! I was there in the hospital after your accident. I think you know that. I think you sensed my presence. I was there as you recovered, as your father and brothers stood by your side. I was there when you went on your first date. I watched you win the Olympic gold medal. I watched you grow into an unbelievably mature and kind-hearted man who overcame unbeatable odds to become who he is today. Pride swells in my heart whenever I see you.

Of course, Alan, you are last but definitely not least. In life, I knew nothing of you except that I often told your father you would be a soccer player, you kicked me so much. I was the most frightened for you at the moment of death. Frightened of how things would be for one who was born as his mother lay dying in a wrecked car. And although you do enjoy torturing your brothers, yes I have seen your pranks, my son, I know you love them very much and idolize them.

Life has been good to you, and now you have a companion soul in which you sometimes lose yourself as the two of you travel the path through this life. You are brave and fearless, especially for being so young when your father began International Rescue. And you see, now, why you had to live without me, don't you, Alan? Without my death, your father would not have created this great organization that saves so many lives. It had to happen. I just hope you can understand and accept that.

Jeff. My darling Jeff. Can you ever forgive me for not staying to make this journey with you? You know it had to happen. You have saved so many lives. So very many. I know sometimes in the solitude of your room when your mind wanders to me...to us...that you think you'd be ready to give it all up...to never have saved a single life...if only you could have me back.

I touch you so often and sometimes I think you feel me, though you would never admit it to anyone. Not even to Kyrano. He tries to help you. But I have finally realized what it is that's holding you back. It's not your love for me. It's not your grief over my death. It's not the days we never got to share.

It's me.

I have watched over you and our sons from the moment I left my body. I have been near you through everything. And that's what the problem is. You can't let go of me because I have not let go of you.

I stayed because I thought it was right. Because I thought you needed me. Because I wanted to try and do the job I should've been alive to do. To be mother, wife, lover. But now it's all so clear to me. I was wrong, Jeff. I was wrong not to let you move on. I didn't do it to hold you back. I did it to help you. But I have only succeeded in hindering you.

Remember with warmth and fondness the days and nights we shared from the moment we met to the last time we waved goodbye. Remember, Jefferson, and never forget.

But the time has come for me ascend to where I should have gone all those years ago. Though I want to stay and watch over my family, I know the hour to leave is drawing near. I leave you not with nothing, but with the love that bound us together in a way few others ever feel.

Yes. I leave you. I must. You will no longer think you hear my whispered voice when the breeze blows through your window. You will no longer think you feel a feathered kiss when you turn in your bed. You will no longer be plagued by vivid dreams and recollections of me.

In life I was your Lucille. In death I could not give that up. But I am no longer that woman, Jeff. I am a soul, a soul who must reflect upon all that has been, who must prepare for whatever lessons lie ahead.

Do not despair. We will meet again. Maybe not as woman and man. Maybe not as husband and wife, or as lovers or siblings. But we will meet. And your soul will recognize mine. And it will feel like coming home. Just like it did when I was six and laid eyes on you for the first time. Coming home.

I'm going home. And I'm leaving you in your home. With our sons. Now. I'm releasing you. You are free, my one and only Jeff. You are free.

To all of you...to all those who care for you and watch over you, I can say only one more thing: I love you. I always have and I always will.

Until our next lives...

And then she looked sadly upon my face one last time. She smiled and whispered, “Take care of them for me, Kyrano.”

In a flash of light, Lucille was gone.

I do not know if she meant me to tell them all of this, though I suspect at some point I will. I do know, however, that Lucille's soul has at last transcended this plane. She is where she is meant to be. She has left behind not only her love and devotion to her family, she has left behind a message. A message that, one day, I will reveal to those who loved her most.

And Jeff? He is...at last...free.