MY SMILE by TB's LMC RATED FRC

Lady Penelope realizes she's lost her heart to an impossible situation.

There was a time I looked upon you with nothing more than the respect due a gentleman who had accomplished so very much in his lifetime. A time when a call from you meant only one thing, and that was that somewhere, someone needed the help of International Rescue's London agent.

I daresay that time has passed.

When you rang last evening and advised that you and Brains would be visiting England on business for Tracy Engineering, I found myself more than pleased. You see, Jeff, the long and short of it, as you might say, is that I believe I have fallen in love with you.

What is a lady to do?

There is most certainly no way you and I could ever share a relationship. Our lives revolve around secrets; our very existences are built upon half-truths. To the world, I am an aristocrat whose pastimes include nothing more than shopping and giving sensible parties. To the same world, you are a successful entrepreneur, a man who started one business many years ago and, through diligence and hard work, grew that business into a global entity.

We're not a very good fit, you and I, are we, Jeff?

You are a widower with five sons. I have never married, though I've come close. You live thousands of miles away, and because of our work, neither of us could ever hope for relocation by the other. We must be careful not to be seen too oft in public; you know how the media talk. Why, their tongues were all a-twitter when you accompanied me to the opening of the new Australian mono-line last year.

What, then, can my heart possibly hope to gain from forming such an alliance as this?

The answer, I fear, is nothing. Now, if only my heart could understand that. Do you see how my eyes light up when you call? Were this the predicament of any other, I might find it mildly amusing. However, it belongs to me. At night when I lie in bed alone, I half-dream that you are there with me, that you have traveled across the oceans only to spend time with me. With the woman you love.

You see, Jeff? I have taken leave of my senses.

I know you could never love another, not after losing your wife as you did. She was your world. She is the mother of your sons, those men who risk their lives for the sake of saving others. There is no place for me there, not really. Even a woman in love can see that. It saddens me to think of you without the company of love for so long, but then it occurs to me that perhaps you have kept the love for your wife alive so well, you indeed have not been as alone as I might have thought.

You and Brains are on your way as we speak.

What, then, shall I do? I shall act no differently than before. I am capable of retaining my poise, of never letting on about my discovery. I shall talk with you, smile with you, laugh with you and dine with you. Perhaps we shall take a stroll through the gardens. They are so lovely this time of year. I will take your arm, the lady escorted by the gentleman.

And when the evening ends, you shall retire to the guest room.

And I? I shall lie awake in my own room, my eyes unable to close, my body unable to release the tension I can feel building up even now. Knowing you are so very close, here in my home, yet still unreachable...untouchable. I can hear Parker speaking with you now over the radio. Soon the two of you shall arrive at my door. I have taken extra care with my appearance this evening, Jeff.

For at the very least, I can show you what you're missing.

I heard your jet land a few moments ago. I sent Parker to fetch you and your bags. I can hear your voice as you and Parker talk amicably. I back away from the window at the top of the stairs and slowly descend until I am standing on the second step from the bottom. The front door opens and there you are. For a moment, you seem to be taken aback, your eyes glued to mine. At least I have the satisfaction of this moment to carry with me. Somehow I have forgotten how to breathe as you approach me, take my hand and kiss the back of it.

"Hello, Jeff. It's so lovely to see you."

And my smile stays in place.