OPERATION 'FLASH-DRIVE by MIRVENA RATED FRPT

Cutting Room Floor Series. Missing scene from…well, it should be obvious.

Editor’s note:

The existence of a number of documentaries reporting the early missions of International Rescue are recorded in the annals of the CAN Archives. Some of these documentaries, were not aired until long after the event, probably for security reasons. Sadly, the original edited footage perished many decades ago and no copies are extant. However, a number of new sources have recently come to light following the expiry of the hundred year embargo last month.

It is known that one such documentary, ‘Operation Crash-Dive’, detailed the International Rescue unmasking of sabotage aboard the (then) new Fireflash. Production notes observe that a number of last-minute edits were made (resulting in a rush of complaints about the forced scheduling of extra commercial breaks during screening, but that’s a whole different story. Let’s just be content to note that sales of life insurance cover soared that week).

The reason for the edits was not, at the time, altogether clear. Some dark hints about airport security were put about by the International Air Minister’s PR department, but since the recent release of the production notes it has become abundantly obvious that the edits were made at the insistence of IR.

In addition to various pieces of documentation that flew back and forward between the parties (literally, in this case; for some reason, IR was one of the last organizations known to man that dealt with urgent issues by sending letters) we are delighted to have stumbled across some of the original footage from Fireflash’s internal cameras that was never released at the time but which found its way onto the cutting room floor.

Our experts are currently studying this. Although the quality of the image and sound is quite poor and it will be a while before we can clean it up and schedule some air time, we are pleased to say that we are able to issue the following transcript for the purposes of the historical record.

In the text that follows, then, Hanson refers to the Fireflash pilot, and Tracy* the IR operative assigned to fly the plane.

(*It is a well-known fact that IR operatives NEVER used their names in public in order to preserve the perfect secrecy of the organization. We assume, therefore, that they were using pseudonyms. It is possible that these are familiar names, though they seem a little odd, it has to be noted. We can only speculate on the reason for the choice of ‘Tracy’ who is, in fact, male. Current thought in the office is that this may be a veiled reference to his gender identity, although it should be noted that he wore uniform throughout. The tapes are a little indistinct, but other edited clips indicate that the pilot of Thunderbird Two appeared to be referred to as ‘Virg’ (‘Virgin’?) by Tracy, and there was a truly astounding lack of respect on the part of junior operatives for the head of IR, who was frequently referred to as ‘Dad’.

Transcript.

Time shows 12:15pm

Hanson (getting to feet): Ah, there you are, Tracy. I was beginning to think you’d got lost.

Tracy (panting a little): Sorry, Hanson. Made it down pretty well on time, but I forgot just what a big mother she is. It’s taken me ten minutes just to leg it down the length of the plane. She has to be what, like half a mile long? Makes Thunderbird Two look like a shih-tzu. I’ve never flown anything this size in my life.

(The two men shake hands. Tracy heads for a chair.)

Hanson: Other one, Tracy.

Tracy: Oh, er, right. Just kidding. You know, I thought with it being England and all she might be a right hand drive.

(Tracy takes the pilot’s seat and dons headphones etc.)

Tracy: (Apparently awestruck). There sure are a lot of buttons.

Hanson: Yeah, well, why don’t you do the honors? Roll her round to her starting blocks. Just swing her off the slip and onto runway two-seven and let’s get this baby in the air.

Tracy: Sure thing bud’. (Reaches down and flicks a switch…nothing happens).

Hanson: (Laughs loudly) Forgetting something?

(Tracy looks across. Hanson holds out key.)

Tracy: It has a key? Didn’t say anything about a key on the spec.

Hanson: It didn’t?

Tracy: I think I’d have remembered a key.

Hanson: (Cautiously). The Mark 1B has a key.

Tracy: Mark 1B, you say? 1-B? Oh, boy. They sent us the specs for the 1A.

Hanson: The 1A went down last month, remember? They shoulda sent you the specs for the B model. Can’t no-one do nuttin’ right these days?

Tracy: Aw heck, forget it. 1A, 1B? How different can they be, right? (Takes key and switches on. Some indicator lights come on). A key? Jeez. How do you like that? What is this? Some fancy limo? You fellas scared someone’s going to drive off with her, I guess. Hah! Okay. Pre-flight checks.

Hanson: All done, Tracy. Just taxi her onta the runway, and let’s get on with it.

Tracy: Taxi. Taxi. Now there’s a word I haven’t heard in a while. I think the last thing I had to taxi was my father’s crop duster. It’s a long time since I did anything other than a VTOL.

Hanson: Nothing to it. Like falling off a log. It’ll come back to ya. Now hurry it up, will ya? The authorities want to open the place back up to Joe Public. I think we’re queering their pitch as they say in the UK.

Tracy: (Mutters) Speak for yourself. (Louder). Okay. So we got power. Now, where the devil are the flaps? (Hits a switch. The lights go out). Did I do that?

Hanson: ‘fraid so, pal.

Tracy: Okay, I didn’t mean to do that. Obviously. (Flicks some more switches. The lights come back on. Soft music fills the cabin). Okay. I…er…I meant to do that. Sure I did. You can never have too much R and B on the flight deck, that’s what I always say. (Sound of percolating in the background. Tracy turns head). And…what is…is that coffee? Coffee’s good too. You want some coffee?

Hanson: Er - not right now, thanks. I really think we oughta to get this show on the road. Whaddya say we hit the thrusters?”

Tracy: (Mutters). Thrusters…thrusters…in a fighter jet they’d be over here….

Hanson: NOT THAT ONE, NOT THAT ONE….sorry, Tracy, didn’t mean to shout. It’s just…you know…well, that’s the emergency fuel ejector.

Tracy: Oh, okay, now I’ve got it. They should label this stuff up better. Here we go.

(Flicks another switch…

…There is a momentary pause).

Tracy: …Okay…Do we have to wait for someone to come and deflate those, or can we cut ‘em loose somehow?

Hanson: Don’t give it a second thought, pal. (Flicks a switch). There they go. I expect some porter guy’ll be along to clear them away before the next flight goes out. Let’s just pray we don’t need them. Hah!

Tracy: Thanks, Hanson. Now, where were we?

Hanson: Thrusters, pal. Blue whatchm’callit above your head.

(Tracy pulls lever. The aircraft fires up).

Hanson: (encouragingly). That’s the baby.

Tracy: Could have sworn they were over the other side on the specs. And it was a red button, I’m sure of it.

Hanson: I’m telling ya, these boffin types are never happy till they’ve changed something.

Tracy: Guess not. Now then, flaps. I never did figure…oh, here WE GO. (Voice echoes throughout the plane)…(Pause). THAT WOULD BE THE INTERCOM, THEN?

Hanson: Indeed it would.

Tracy: COOL! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING. WELCOME TO FLIGHT 007 TO LA. WE’LL BE CRUISING TODAY AT AN ALTITUDE OF…

(Hanson leans forwards and shuts off the intercom. He coughs lightly).

Hanson: If we could maybe keep our minds on the job?

Tracy: Oh, sure, sure. Flaps…where did you say they were?

Hanson: I didn’t. There they are over there.

Tracy: Oh. Yeah, obvious when you think about it. Did I say it wasn’t laid out quite like a fighter jet?

Hanson: I believe you mentioned it in passing. (Aside). Freakin’ flyboy.

Tracy: And she’s real big. Biggest thing I’ve ever flown.

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that too.

Tracy: Okay. Flaps. Yeah. No problemo. Now then, easing forward…

(Plane jolts violently forwards and engine noise dies).

Tracy: Oops!…so what happened there?

Hanson: Believe you stalled the engine, Tracy.

Tracy: Hell, I can’t believe that. I barely touched the throttle. Jeez, she’s one sensitive….

Hanson: Would you like to try that again?

Tracy: Sure. What – just turn the key….? (Engine splutters into life). She sure is one moody lady. If they made fighter jets like this we’d have lost the war.

Hanson: (Aside). We did lose the war.

Tracy: Okay, real, real slow….oh, shi… (exasperated) I can’t believe I did that again!

Hanson: No worries. She always does that to me on a cold day. (Aside). Once. In Siberia. At minus sixty. (Aloud). Tell you what, pal, why don’t I…

Tracy:…How about…if you maybe…?

Hanson: (Getting up)…Would you like me, maybe…

Tracy:…Shall we maybe, like, swap…?

Hanson:….Swap places, yeah?

(The two men exchange seats).

Tracy: Could I maybe…keep the headset, you know?

Hanson: Sure, keep it on. And put your hands on the throttle – if you move them round a bit, you know… for the camera, and all that…

Tracy: (Nervously). The camera?

Hanson: The documentary?

Tracy: Aw heck, I forgot. Have they been getting all this?

Hanson: So, you know, you might want to look like you’re really…

Tracy: Sure thing.

Hanson: Just don’t actually, well – you know – touch anything.

Tracy: You got it pal. I’ll just… except, you think we should maybe turn off the R and B?

Hanson: Be my guest.

Tracy: This one, right?

Hanson: ‘attaboy. Now, I guess with those cameras rolling we oughta say something heroic for posterity? Don’t worry – those continuity guys’ll sort it all later. Splicin’ and dicin’s their bread and butter.

Tracy: (Thinks for a moment). You mean if I say something like “Well, Captain – it’s swell of you to help us out like this…”

Hanson: That oughtta do it nicely.